How Does Real Love Feel? Unpacking the Profound Emotions and Experiences of True Connection
How Does Real Love Feel?
The question, "How does real love feel?" is one that has echoed through the ages, pondered by poets, philosophers, and everyday people alike. It’s a question that often arises when we’ve experienced fleeting affections or perhaps longed for a connection that seems just out of reach. For many, the feeling of real love isn't a single, easily definable sensation. Instead, it's a complex tapestry woven from threads of profound comfort, unwavering support, exhilarating joy, and a deep, almost cellular understanding of another person. It’s that moment you realize, perhaps with a quiet sigh of contentment or a sudden surge of warmth, that this is *it*. This is the genuine article.
I remember a time, not so long ago, when I found myself adrift in a sea of superficial relationships. There were the fleeting crushes, the friendships that felt more like convenient alliances, and the romantic endeavors that fizzled out with a whimper rather than a bang. I’d read about love, seen it portrayed in movies, and heard countless stories, but the actual *feeling* of it remained somewhat elusive, a theoretical concept rather than a lived reality. Then, unexpectedly, I met someone who felt different. It wasn't a lightning bolt or a dramatic movie scene. It was a slow, steady sunrise. The initial intrigue blossomed into a comfortable familiarity, and before I knew it, I was experiencing a depth of connection I hadn't anticipated. It was in the shared silences that were more eloquent than words, in the effortless way we navigated challenges, and in the sheer, unadulterated peace I felt simply being in their presence. That's when I began to truly understand how real love feels – it’s a profound sense of belonging, a sanctuary for the soul.
This isn't just about romantic love, either. Real love, in its purest form, extends to the bonds we share with family and deep friendships. It’s that unwavering presence of a parent who always has your back, the shared laughter with a lifelong friend that erases years of distance, or the quiet understanding with a sibling that transcends any argument. Each manifestation carries its own unique hue, but the core essence remains the same: a deep, abiding connection that enriches life immeasurably.
So, how does real love feel? It feels like coming home. It feels like being seen, truly seen, for who you are, flaws and all, and being cherished nonetheless. It feels like a gentle, persistent hum of well-being that underpins your existence. It’s a feeling that’s both grounding and uplifting, a source of strength and a wellspring of joy. Let’s delve deeper into the intricate sensations and experiences that define this most human of emotions.
The Pillars of Real Love: What It Truly Embodies
Real love isn't just a fleeting emotion; it's a dynamic force built upon a foundation of fundamental principles. When we talk about how real love feels, we're often describing the manifestation of these core elements in our daily lives and interactions. Understanding these pillars can help us both recognize real love when we experience it and cultivate it in our own relationships.
Unconditional Acceptance and Deep Understanding
Perhaps one of the most defining aspects of how real love feels is the sense of unconditional acceptance. This means being loved and valued not because you are perfect, but precisely because you are imperfect, and those imperfections are seen and embraced. It’s the absence of the need to pretend, to put on a facade, or to constantly strive to be someone you’re not. Instead, there’s a profound relief in knowing that your true self, with all its quirks, vulnerabilities, and past mistakes, is not only tolerated but actively welcomed.
This acceptance often stems from a deep understanding of the other person. It’s not just about knowing their favorite color or their preferred coffee order. It’s about understanding their motivations, their fears, their dreams, and their past experiences that have shaped them. When someone truly understands you, they can navigate your complexities with grace and empathy. They can anticipate your needs without you having to articulate them, and they can offer comfort and support during your lowest moments because they grasp the root of your struggles.
I recall a time when I was going through a particularly rough patch in my career. I was doubting my abilities, feeling like a failure, and projecting a lot of negativity. Instead of getting frustrated or distant, my partner sat with me, listened patiently to my anxieties, and then gently reminded me of past challenges I had overcome. They didn't offer platitudes; they offered genuine understanding, reflecting back to me the strength they saw in me even when I couldn't see it myself. That feeling of being truly understood, and accepted despite my temporary failings, was an incredible testament to how real love feels. It was a safe harbor in a storm.
Mutual Respect and Admiration
Real love flourishes in an environment of mutual respect. This means valuing each other's opinions, boundaries, and individuality. It's about treating each other with dignity, even during disagreements. Respect isn't earned through grand gestures; it's demonstrated in the small, consistent acts of consideration and deference. When you respect someone, you genuinely care about their well-being and their journey, and you wouldn’t do anything to intentionally harm or demean them.
Closely linked to respect is admiration. In real love, there’s a genuine appreciation for the other person’s qualities, talents, and character. You might admire their intelligence, their kindness, their resilience, their creativity, or any number of things that make them unique. This admiration isn't about idolization; it's about recognizing and valuing the good in them, and it often inspires you to be a better version of yourself. It’s a positive feedback loop where mutual appreciation fosters growth and strengthens the bond.
Think about how you feel when someone genuinely compliments your work or acknowledges your efforts. Now, amplify that by a thousand, and direct it towards the core of who you are. That’s a glimpse of the admiration within real love. It’s not flattery; it’s an authentic recognition of worth. When my partner enthusiastically supports my creative pursuits, even when they don't fully grasp the technicalities, and expresses genuine admiration for the passion I pour into them, it makes me feel not only validated but also deeply connected. It’s a shared journey where individual strengths are celebrated.
Unwavering Support and Trust
How does real love feel when you're facing adversity? It feels like having an unwavering anchor. Real love provides a constant source of support, a reliable presence that you can count on, no matter what life throws your way. This support isn't just about offering a shoulder to cry on; it’s about actively participating in problem-solving, cheering you on from the sidelines, and believing in your ability to succeed, even when you doubt yourself.
The bedrock of this unwavering support is trust. In real love, there is an inherent and profound trust in the other person's intentions, loyalty, and judgment. This trust isn't blind; it's earned and maintained through consistent actions and open communication. When you trust someone implicitly, you feel safe and secure, knowing that they have your best interests at heart and will not intentionally betray your confidence or hurt you.
I’ve seen this play out dramatically in friendships. There was a period where a close friend was facing significant financial hardship. While many acquaintances offered sympathy, it was their partner who stepped in, not with judgment, but with practical solutions and unwavering emotional backing. They helped brainstorm ways to manage debt, offered their own resources without expectation, and constantly reassured my friend that they weren’t alone. This level of support, rooted in deep trust and a shared commitment to their partner’s well-being, is a powerful illustration of how real love feels in times of crisis. It’s the feeling of not having to carry the weight of the world by yourself.
Shared Growth and Mutual Inspiration
Real love isn't static; it's a catalyst for personal growth. It inspires you to become a better person, to push your boundaries, and to explore new facets of yourself. This inspiration can come from observing the other person's positive qualities, from their encouragement to pursue your goals, or from the shared experiences that challenge you and help you learn and evolve.
The journey of growth within real love is often reciprocal. You inspire them as much as they inspire you. This mutual inspiration creates a dynamic relationship where both individuals are constantly evolving, learning, and growing together. It’s about building each other up, celebrating each other's successes, and navigating challenges as a united front, emerging stronger from every experience.
My own journey has been profoundly shaped by the encouragement I’ve received. When I decided to embark on a career change that felt daunting and uncertain, my partner was my biggest cheerleader. They didn’t just say "good luck"; they helped me research programs, celebrated small victories like completing an application, and consistently reminded me of my capabilities when self-doubt crept in. This consistent support and belief in my potential didn't just help me achieve my goal; it ignited a confidence in myself that has carried over into other areas of my life. This shared journey of growth, where aspirations are nurtured and encouraged, is a fundamental part of how real love feels – it’s a partnership in becoming the best versions of yourselves.
Genuine Joy and Profound Peace
At its heart, real love brings an unparalleled sense of joy and peace. This isn't the fleeting, adrenaline-fueled excitement of infatuation. Instead, it's a deep, abiding contentment that settles into your soul. It's the comfort of knowing you belong, the happiness derived from simply being in the presence of the person you love, and the quiet satisfaction of a shared life built on mutual affection and respect.
This joy is often found in the ordinary moments: a shared meal, a quiet evening together, a silly inside joke. It’s in the effortless laughter that erupts spontaneously and the comfortable silence that needs no filling. The peace that accompanies real love is a sense of security and inner calm. It's the feeling that, no matter what chaos may exist in the outside world, you have a sanctuary with the person you love, a place where you can truly be yourself and feel safe.
When I reflect on the most cherished moments in my life, many of them involve simple, shared experiences. Waking up on a lazy Sunday morning, the smell of coffee brewing, and the quiet murmur of conversation – these seemingly mundane instances are imbued with a profound sense of joy and peace because I’m sharing them with someone I deeply love. It’s a feeling of rightness, of everything being exactly as it should be. This enduring sense of contentment is a powerful indicator of how real love feels.
The Nuances of Experiencing Real Love
Beyond these foundational pillars, the experience of real love is also characterized by a series of subtle yet significant nuances. These are the often unspoken feelings and experiences that make the connection feel uniquely profound and enduring. Understanding these nuances can help demystify the feeling and provide a clearer picture of what genuine love entails.
The Feeling of Effortless Connection
One of the most striking aspects of how real love feels is the sense of effortlessness. This doesn't mean the relationship is without challenges or hard work, but rather that the fundamental connection and understanding between you and the other person flow with an almost natural ease. Conversations can range from the deeply profound to the utterly nonsensical, and both feel natural and engaging. You don't have to try to impress them or constantly worry about saying the right thing. There’s a comfortable rhythm to your interactions, a sense that you’re on the same wavelength.
This effortless connection extends to navigating disagreements. While conflicts are inevitable, in real love, they are approached with a foundation of mutual respect and a shared desire to find resolution. The conversation might be heated at times, but the underlying intention is not to win an argument but to understand and grow. It's that feeling of knowing you can work through anything together, and that the bond will emerge stronger on the other side.
I often liken this to a well-rehearsed dance. While there might be moments of improvisation or unexpected steps, the partners instinctively know how to move together. There's a shared understanding of the rhythm and the flow. In my own relationships, I’ve noticed that with people I love deeply, the awkward silences that can plague early dating are replaced by comfortable pauses. We can sit together, each absorbed in our own tasks, and feel completely connected without the need for constant verbal affirmation. That quiet communion is a powerful feeling of effortless belonging.
Vulnerability as Strength, Not Weakness
In real love, vulnerability is not a weakness but a pathway to deeper intimacy. You feel safe enough to reveal your true self, your fears, your insecurities, and your past wounds without fear of judgment or rejection. This willingness to be vulnerable creates a space for the other person to be vulnerable in return, fostering a profound sense of trust and connection. It’s the courage to be imperfect and to allow someone else to see and embrace those imperfections.
This vulnerability often manifests in admitting when you're wrong, asking for help, or sharing anxieties that you might normally keep hidden. When your loved one responds with empathy, understanding, and support, it solidifies the feeling of safety and strengthens the bond. It’s the realization that your deepest vulnerabilities are not liabilities but opportunities for your loved one to show their care and commitment.
There was a time I felt deeply ashamed about a past mistake. I had carried that burden of guilt for years. When I finally found the courage to share it with my partner, expecting at least some discomfort, I was met with nothing but compassion. They listened without interruption, acknowledged my pain, and then gently helped me reframe the experience as a lesson learned. This act of receiving my vulnerability with such grace and love was incredibly healing and made me feel closer to them than ever before. It was a powerful demonstration of how real love feels – it’s a place where your deepest truths are met with acceptance.
Intuitive Understanding and Empathy
A hallmark of real love is an almost intuitive understanding of each other's emotional states. You can often sense when something is wrong, even if the other person is trying to hide it. This isn't about mind-reading; it's about a deep attunement that comes from paying close attention and genuinely caring about the other person's well-being. This empathetic connection allows you to offer comfort and support proactively, often before it's even asked for.
This intuitive understanding fosters a sense of being truly "gotten." It’s that moment when your loved one looks at you with a knowing glance, or offers a specific piece of advice that perfectly addresses your unspoken struggle. This level of empathy creates a profound bond, making you feel deeply connected and understood on a level that transcends mere words.
My best friend and I have a unique shorthand that has developed over years of deep friendship. Sometimes, a simple sigh or a particular tone of voice is enough for the other to understand the entire situation. When I was dealing with a complex family issue, before I could even articulate the full extent of my distress, my friend simply said, "I'll be there tomorrow." That immediate, intuitive grasp of my need for presence, without needing elaborate explanations, was incredibly reassuring. This intuitive empathy is a profound aspect of how real love feels – it’s knowing, without needing to be told.
The Shared Experience of Joy and Sorrow
Real love means sharing in both the highs and lows of life. You celebrate each other's triumphs with genuine enthusiasm, and you offer unwavering support during times of sorrow or loss. The joy is amplified when shared, and the pain is lessened when borne together. This shared emotional landscape creates a deep sense of partnership and mutual investment in each other's lives.
When good things happen, you instinctively want to share the news with them first. When bad things happen, they are the first person you turn to. This shared emotional journey strengthens the bond and creates a rich tapestry of shared memories, both happy and challenging, that further solidify your connection.
I remember the overwhelming joy I felt when I landed a dream job. My immediate instinct was to call my partner. Their reaction was as ecstatic as mine, perhaps even more so because they had witnessed firsthand the hard work and dedication I had put in. Conversely, during a period of significant family illness, their steady presence, their willingness to listen to my fears and offer practical help, made an unbearable situation much more manageable. This shared experience of life's spectrum, where happiness is magnified and sorrow is softened, is a powerful testament to how real love feels.
A Sense of Home and Belonging
Perhaps one of the most comforting aspects of how real love feels is the profound sense of home and belonging. It’s a feeling of finally arriving, of finding your person and your place in the world. This sense of home isn't necessarily tied to a physical location; it's about feeling at peace and secure in the presence of the person you love. They become your safe harbor, your anchor in the storm, and your greatest source of comfort.
This feeling of belonging means you don't have to strive to fit in; you simply *do*. Your presence is valued, and your existence is a source of comfort and joy for the other person. It’s a deep, resonant feeling of being exactly where you are supposed to be, with the person you are supposed to be with.
For me, this feeling of home is palpable. It’s not just about sharing a living space; it’s about the atmosphere that is created when we are together. There’s a particular kind of quiet that settles in, a feeling of profound relaxation and contentment. It’s the sensation of being utterly at ease, of shedding all pretense and simply existing in a state of peaceful acceptance. This feeling of belonging, of having found your true north, is an essential component of how real love feels.
Recognizing Real Love: Signs to Look For
Navigating the complexities of human connection can sometimes leave us questioning whether what we're experiencing is genuine. While feelings can be subjective, there are distinct indicators that point towards real love. Recognizing these signs can provide clarity and reassurance. Here are some key indicators of how real love feels in practice:
- Consistent and Reliable Presence: They are there for you, not just when it's convenient, but through thick and thin.
- Active Listening and Genuine Interest: They don't just hear you; they listen intently, remember what you say, and show genuine interest in your thoughts and feelings.
- Respect for Boundaries: They understand and honor your personal space, your needs, and your limits without complaint.
- Encouragement of Independence: They support your individual pursuits and friendships, fostering your growth as a separate person.
- Open and Honest Communication: They are willing to discuss difficult topics, express their needs and feelings openly, and work through conflicts constructively.
- Shared Values and Life Goals: While differences are normal, a strong foundation of shared core values and a similar vision for the future are crucial.
- The "We" Mentality: They naturally think in terms of "us" and "we," indicating a deep sense of partnership and shared future.
- Forgiveness and Moving Forward: They are willing to forgive mistakes and focus on building a stronger future, rather than holding grudges.
- Comfort in Silence: You can comfortably exist in each other's presence without the need for constant chatter.
- Authentic Self-Expression: You feel free to be completely yourself, without fear of judgment or reprisal.
These signs are not checkboxes to be ticked off, but rather a constellation of behaviors and feelings that, when present, paint a clear picture of genuine affection and commitment. They are the tangible manifestations of how real love feels when it’s deeply embedded in a relationship.
The Journey of Cultivating Real Love
While recognizing real love is important, cultivating it is an ongoing process. It requires intentional effort, open communication, and a commitment to nurturing the bond. Here’s a closer look at how to foster and deepen real love:
Prioritize Open and Honest Communication
Regularly check in with each other about your thoughts, feelings, and needs. Don’t assume your partner knows what you’re thinking or feeling. Share your joys, your concerns, and your fears. Equally important is practicing active listening – truly hearing what your partner is saying without interrupting or formulating your response.
Practice Empathy and Understanding
Make an effort to see things from your partner's perspective, even when it’s difficult. Try to understand their motivations and the underlying reasons for their behavior. When disagreements arise, approach them with a desire to understand, not just to win.
Show Appreciation and Gratitude
Don't let the everyday routines breed complacency. Make a conscious effort to acknowledge and appreciate the things your partner does, both big and small. Express your gratitude verbally, through gestures, or acts of service. Small tokens of appreciation can go a long way in making your partner feel valued.
Support Each Other's Goals and Dreams
Be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. Encourage your partner to pursue their passions, chase their dreams, and grow as individuals. Celebrate their successes and offer comfort and support during their challenges.
Spend Quality Time Together
In our busy lives, it’s crucial to intentionally carve out time for each other. This doesn't always have to be elaborate dates; it can be a quiet evening at home, a walk in the park, or a shared hobby. The key is focused, undistracted time where you can connect and be present with each other.
Work Through Conflicts Constructively
Conflicts are inevitable, but how you handle them makes all the difference. Focus on the issue at hand, avoid personal attacks, and be willing to compromise. The goal should be resolution and strengthening the bond, not proving who is right.
Maintain Individuality
While deep connection is vital, it’s also important to maintain your sense of self. Continue to pursue your own interests, maintain your friendships, and nurture your personal growth. A healthy relationship thrives on two whole individuals choosing to be together.
Cultivating real love is a continuous process of investment and refinement. By consistently applying these principles, you can deepen your connections and ensure that the feeling of real love continues to flourish.
Frequently Asked Questions About Real Love
How do I know if what I'm feeling is real love or just infatuation?
This is a very common and important question. Infatuation, while exciting and intense, often lacks the depth and sustainability of real love. Infatuation is typically characterized by a strong physical attraction and an idealized perception of the other person. You might feel an overwhelming urge to be with them, a sense of intense euphoria, and a preoccupation with their presence. However, infatuation tends to be more superficial. It often focuses on the *idea* of the person rather than their true self. When the initial thrill wears off, or when you start to see their flaws and imperfections, the feelings of infatuation can quickly dissipate.
Real love, on the other hand, grows over time. It's built on a foundation of genuine understanding, respect, and acceptance. While attraction is certainly a component, real love goes much deeper. It involves a conscious choice to commit to and cherish the other person, even when they are not at their best. You feel a sense of comfort, security, and peace in their presence, rather than just constant excitement. Real love involves navigating challenges together and supporting each other through difficulties. It's about seeing the person for who they truly are – with all their strengths and weaknesses – and loving them unconditionally. If the feelings are based on an idealized version of someone, or if they quickly fade when faced with reality or imperfection, it's likely infatuation. If the feelings are steady, accompanied by deep trust, a desire for their well-being, and a willingness to work through life's ups and downs together, it's a strong indicator of real love.
Why does real love feel so different from other types of affection?
Real love feels different because it encompasses a far broader spectrum of emotions and experiences than other forms of affection, such as liking, friendship, or even early-stage romantic attraction. Other affections might be based on shared interests, mutual respect, or physical chemistry. While these are valuable, real love integrates these elements with a profound sense of emotional intimacy, commitment, and vulnerability.
One of the key distinctions is the depth of acceptance. In real love, you feel truly seen and accepted for your authentic self, including your flaws and vulnerabilities, without judgment. This level of acceptance fosters a unique sense of security and belonging that is often absent in other relationships. Furthermore, real love involves a deep-seated trust and an unwavering commitment to the other person's well-being. It's a willingness to put their needs alongside your own, and to actively work towards a shared future. The feeling of peace and contentment that accompanies real love is also distinct; it's a grounding sensation that emanates from knowing you are with someone who truly understands and cherishes you. This profound connection, built on a foundation of mutual respect, deep understanding, and unwavering support, is what sets real love apart.
Can real love change over time, and how does that feel?
Absolutely, real love is not static; it evolves and deepens over time. The initial intensity and passion often give way to a more mature and profound connection. This change doesn't diminish the love; it transforms it. The passionate, exhilarating feelings of the early stages might mellow into a comfortable companionship, a deep, abiding trust, and an even stronger sense of partnership. This evolution feels incredibly grounding and reassuring. It's like a well-established tree: the initial rapid growth might slow, but the roots grow deeper, making it more resilient and stable.
This evolving love often manifests as a greater appreciation for the mundane aspects of life shared together – the quiet evenings, the familiar routines, the comfortable silences. The challenges and conflicts that are navigated together also serve to strengthen the bond, forging a deeper understanding and resilience. Instead of feeling like the love is fading, it feels more like it’s becoming richer, more nuanced, and more robust. It’s the feeling of growing old gracefully with someone, where the shared history and experiences have woven an unbreakable tapestry of connection. It’s a love that has weathered storms and emerged stronger, a testament to enduring commitment and shared growth. This sense of enduring, evolving love feels like a profound blessing, a constant source of comfort and strength throughout life's journey.
Is it possible to experience real love multiple times in a lifetime?
Yes, it is absolutely possible to experience real love multiple times in a lifetime. While a deep, profound love can feel singular and irreplaceable, the human capacity for love is vast. Each love experience, if it is genuine, is unique and shaped by the individuals involved, the circumstances, and the stage of life at which it occurs. Losing a loved one or experiencing a breakup does not mean that the capacity for love is exhausted.
The experiences gained from previous relationships, whether they were romantic, familial, or platonic, contribute to our understanding of ourselves and what we seek in connection. These lessons can inform and enrich future relationships. The love experienced in youth might be passionate and all-consuming, while the love found later in life might be characterized by a deeper understanding, a greater appreciation for companionship, and a more settled sense of peace. Each authentic connection offers its own distinct beauty and fulfillment. Therefore, the end of one chapter of real love does not preclude the possibility of another beautiful and meaningful chapter beginning. Our hearts have a remarkable capacity for growth and connection, allowing for the possibility of experiencing profound love more than once.
What role does physical intimacy play in how real love feels?
Physical intimacy plays a significant role in the experience of real love, acting as an expression and a reinforcement of the emotional connection. In a loving relationship, physical intimacy often goes beyond mere sexual gratification; it becomes a way to express affection, vulnerability, and deep connection. Hugs, kisses, holding hands, and sexual intimacy can all serve as powerful non-verbal communications of love, care, and desire.
When real love is present, physical intimacy can feel deeply comforting, reassuring, and profoundly connecting. It's often characterized by a sense of mutual pleasure, safety, and emotional openness. There's an understanding and attunement to each other's needs and desires, making the experience feel more intimate and less transactional. This shared physical experience can deepen the bond, creating a sense of closeness and belonging. However, it's also important to note that the *quality* and *nature* of physical intimacy in real love are often different from casual encounters. It's typically imbued with emotional depth, respect, and a genuine desire to please and connect with the partner on multiple levels. While physical intimacy is a vital component for many experiencing real love, its absence or modification does not necessarily negate the presence of love itself, as emotional and spiritual connection are also paramount.
How can I foster a sense of 'home' in my relationship?
Fostering a sense of 'home' within a relationship is about creating an environment of unwavering safety, belonging, and comfort. It means that your partner feels they can be their most authentic self with you, without fear of judgment or rejection. This sense of home is built through consistent actions and intentional efforts.
Firstly, prioritize open and honest communication. Regularly share your thoughts, feelings, and needs, and actively listen to your partner's. Create a space where both of you feel heard and understood. Secondly, practice unconditional acceptance. Embrace your partner's strengths and weaknesses, their quirks and their flaws. Let them know that they are loved and valued for who they are, not for who you wish them to be. Thirdly, be a source of unwavering support. Be there for your partner through the good times and the bad, celebrating their successes and offering comfort during their struggles. This consistent presence builds trust and security. Fourthly, create shared traditions and rituals. These can be simple things like a weekly movie night, a shared morning coffee routine, or annual traditions that create a sense of continuity and shared history. Lastly, foster emotional intimacy through vulnerability. Be willing to share your own fears and insecurities, and create a safe space for your partner to do the same. When a relationship feels like a sanctuary, a place where you can truly be yourself and feel deeply connected and supported, that is the essence of finding 'home' with another person.
Conclusion: The Enduring Feeling of Real Love
Ultimately, how does real love feel? It feels like a quiet certainty, a deep knowing that you are cherished, understood, and supported. It’s the feeling of coming home to yourself and to another. It’s the peace that settles in your soul when you are with the person who truly sees you, accepts you, and inspires you to be your best self. It’s a feeling that transcends grand gestures, residing instead in the consistent, everyday acts of kindness, respect, and unwavering commitment. Real love is a journey, a continuous unfolding of shared experiences, growth, and profound connection. It's a testament to the human need for belonging and the beautiful, enduring power of genuine affection.